Dear baby,

I couldn’t figure out why I was up for the day today at 5:39 am, especially since I’d only gone to sleep again at 3a. Then I remembered its because you’re a human alarm clock.

I am looking forward to your teen years, ie when you don’t want to get out of bed before 1p.

Love.
Sleepy mommy who doesn’t understand why you woke up for the day but are still yawning

Dear baby,

The holidays are almost upon us. As they draw nearer, you have no idea of everything going on. Let’s see:

Three days from now, Grammie arrives! You know, that kind and loving lady who loves cuddling with you and will hopefully sing you some songs? She’ll be staying with us from Sunday to probably Thursday, and will likely be attached to you the whole time. She’s even giving your Daddy and I a lovely present: babysitting services! We haven’t been out alone since you’ve been born, except once under not-so-great circumstances. So while Grammie is here we get a date night, which is much appreciated. In fact, who cares about presents – spending time with you and Grammie and getting a Date Night is the best thing I could ask for.

On that note, though, Ms. Nubs, we need to be very loving with the Grammie. This is her first holiday season without her Person. It’s also our first holiday with you, which leaves me thinking about how sad I am that you’ll never know JeffyPops. (Like Jiffy Pop, but not. It’s ok. You’re young. You have no idea what or who I’m talking about with either reference. It’s ok. Sad but OK.). I think I’m in denial about this part, little Bug. I’m just glad you don’t have to feel sad too. Just stay cute and be ready for cuddles at a moments notice if Mommy or Grammie needs a snuggle, and you’ll be golden.

Next Wednesday is Christmas. You don’t know much about that, since you’re just shy of 21 weeks old. You’re an innocent little Babe who has no idea of the commercialism of the season, or the fun sparkly lights, colder weather (ok, you know that part), or the jingly seasonal earworms being played everywhere. But you’ll get to experience it nonetheless. Our immediate family houses some lovely Cultural Jews… ie, your Mommy and Daddy come from a Jewish heritage, and know and very occasionally practice Jewish traditions, but it’s moreso a cultural history than a religious one. Therefore, we have no qualms about putting up a sparkly Hanukkah Bush (which Mommy is TERRIBLY excited about), Hanukkah Stockings, and opening presents on the 25th. Besides, c’mon – Hanukkah was on Thanksgiving this year. No way Mommy was going to be organized enough to have presents for everyone by then.

In any case, you don’t know what’s coming your way for Christmas. (Christmas-ukkah?) I also have a feeling you’re going to be more interested in the wrapping paper than the presents. And I admit that several of “your” presents are secretly for Mommy on your behalf, like the travel-bottle-brush-and-drying-rack-combo that she is so very excited to get to use. But there are also colorful links, a jumparoo donated by a wonderful friend, teething toys, toys for your highchair, and more. So while you might not have fun opening them, I know you’ll at least have fun chewing on all of your goodies in no time.

Mommy only has to pump her boobies 3 more times this year! Mommy is currently pumping 3 times a day while at work. It’s annoying and somehow exhausting. It feels weird and comes with odd mechanical sounds. And since Monday is Mommy’s last day of work this year, that means only 3 more rounds of pumping. Mommy is dancing in her chair at this prospect. Literally. Sad but true.

I’m sorry, what was that? Oh yes, that’s right, I said Monday is Mommy’s last day of work this year! It’s therefore also Nubbin’s last day of daycare this year. We get so much playtime and cuddle time and snuggle time. Mommy is so, so excited to get you all to herself again! Er, you know, while sharing with Daddy and Grammie and others. Yeah, right.

But let’s back up to Sunday. On Sunday, Mommy and Daddy go buy your new Cliche Vehicle. Yes, we caved under the sheer volume of stuff we have to tote for you plus visions of future additional Buguses (no promises, Grammie, back off!) and an eventual Doggie. Mommy is getting a Toyota Sienna, and the one that’s the right color is ready to be picked up Sunday at 1. Yay? Yay. No, maybe Yay! Mommy has never had a New Car. So this is something to be excited about!

Then what? On Thursday, we travel 5 hours to visit Grandma, Grandpa, Great Grandma, Great Grandpa, three Uncles and one Aunt. Here’s hoping it doesn’t take us 8 hours to do the trip. I know it probably will, since I can’t imagine you’re going to be happy in a carseat for 5 hours. Mommy hates it too, and that’s when she knows why she’s being put through that boredom and constraint. You, on the other hand, have no idea what fun times await on the other end of the trip. We’ll be equipping ourselves with various toys, rattles, lyrics for singing, and even a hand pump for if times get desperate and there’s no exit nearby. Crossing fingers…

Finally, on New Years Eve (Day), we’ll be back in Home… where we get to Relax! We’re really living it up on New Year’s… by hoping we all get some sleep, and the fireworks that will inevitably be going off won’t be waking The Nubs. And then, we get to relax further – for a whole week before returning to work! That’s lots of Nubbin time, and I can’t wait!!

So very much going on over the next little while, Lil Nublet. I am looking forward to doing it all with you so very much that I’m literally tapping my feet and humming to myself while I write this. Some day, if you have a Lil Nublet of you own, you’ll understand. So many baby cuddles, I can’t wait!

Love,
Mommy who is so excited for the holiday break

Dear Baby,

It appears I was unfortunately correct, and you have become a little Snarfapottamus (or for the non-native-speakers, a Nubs With A Cold).

I feel so bad for you, both because you’re sick, and also because you have no idea what’s going on – you just know you’re unhappy and, at times, that you can’t even breathe to eat.

It’s not like you know how to blow your nose, so we have to use the dreaded saline drops and the evil Nose Snot Sucker on you. Which make you cry as though I’m torturing you. I basically am if you think about it: I’m slowly dripping water into your nose while you desperately swat me away, which probably makes you think you’re drowning. Then I plug one nostril and try to vacuum sticky snot out of the other, which is slow, uncomfortable, and accompanied by disgusting noises. Doesn’t sound like fun to me either, but it’s all we’ve got when the humidifier isn’t helping. On the bright side, you did manage to snot all over me while I was feeding you, which made breathing a little easier thereafter.

In any case, I’m sorry you’re feeling crappy Little Bug. I’m glad it took 4.5 months (holy cow, you’re 20 weeks old! what?!) for you to get sick for the first time, but I wish it were longer still; making you cry to help you feel better truly makes me feel like a parent. But not in a good way…

Love,
Mommy who wishes she could help in ways that don’t make you terribly unhappy

Dear baby, 

The amount of love I’ve come to feel for you in such a tiny span of time is simply astonishing. I’m tired, and cranky, and mentally fuzzy. My nipples hurt, I want to eat constantly while I’m breastfeeding, and I hate waking up at 5a when you decide it’s time to be awake (after you were just awake at 10p, midnight, 2a, 3a, and 4:30a). But I love you so much, and I want you in my life forever.

I have spent some time today interacting with an online fundraising / donations site. Reading through story after story of loss and hardship has been bittersweet. I’m so lucky to have you in my life – a healthy, happy little Bug. But I’m so scared something will happen and we’ll be just another story on a site like that.

I’m currently watching my own Mommy heal from having lost her Person to cancer. And it’s so hard for her. I loved him too, and it’s hard for me, but he was her Person. She is amazingly strong and trying to work through her grief in creative ways, but it hurts me just as much to see her in that agonizing pain as it does for me to be missing my stepdad as part of my own life. And I really can’t wrap my head around how much MORE it would hurt to lose a Little Bug, a child I carried in my belly for 9 months and who is made of Mommy and Daddy’s love. 

So we’ll just make sure nothing happens, right Bug? I declare it to the Universe – You’re too precious, and I simply can’t fathom how parents carry on when something tragic happens. We all grumble about small things day to day, but reading through these stories and seeing my own Mommy in so much pain reminds me how lucky we are to have you, and how lucky we are in life. All of our living needs are met. We have family and friends who love and support us. We’re mostly healthy. And we have you. 

Thank you for being a healthy happy little Nubs. Thank you for being you, even if you do wake me up 6 times a night and randomly vomit on your Daddy occasionally. You couldn’t have come at a better time. And I can’t imagine my life without you. Be awesome forever.

Love, 

Mommy who is appreciating the little (big) things today

Dear baby,

I’m sorry, I know it’s poor etiquette. Don’t eat where you poop and all that. But I figure since you carry your poop around with you via diaper, we can never REALLY avoid that for you, and therefore Mommy’s desire to feed you while she herself poops is actually ok in the grand scheme, right? And texting Daddy from the bathroom to ask him to deliver Super Sad Crying Baby to Mommy’s boob from across the house is just clever use of technology to expedite making Sad Baby into Happy Baby, right? Yeah, we’ll go with that. You have the best timing, baby.

Love,
Mommy who can multitask while pooping just like you can!

Dear jealous kitty,

You are super cute and loveable and all, but now is really not a good time to be on my lap.

Love,
Mommy, who thinks you’re a weirdo and is awaiting the arrival of Toilet Feeding Baby

Dear baby who decided to poop en route to Mommy’s boobs,

Huzzah! I guess it’s dad’s turn now. Poops all around!

Love,
Mommy who really shouldn’t find this sequence of events as funny as she does

Dear baby who arrived at Mommy Water-closet International Airport Restaurant only to sit on Mommy’s lap and smile a bunch instead of having Booby Time,

You are silly. And cute. What was all the flailing and crying about, my dear? Oh, just Baby Things? I see. That makes sense.

Love,
Mommy who would like you to use your fledgling grasping ability to pass her the TP

Dear Baby,

You are so beautiful. I especially love that you hold my hand while nursing. I am so sleepy, but I can’t stop staring at you. I love holding your little fingers in mine while you drink; tiny warm fingers holding my index finger oh so tight. Your whole hand wraps around a single joint of a single finger. You’re clammy from holding me so tight for so long. Your Mommy is such a mooshbucket.

I will be so sad when you’re 30 and I don’t get cuddles from you anymore. I lay here hoping my mom knows I love her even if our cuddling days have passed, and planning to give her a giant hug as soon as I see her next. Right now I don’t want to be sad that you’ll stop cuddling me one day, though. I am just going to keep staring at your sweet face as you nibble, and enjoying the feel of you holding my hand. Thank you for being so sweet.

Love,
Your friendly provider of milkies and warm fingers

It’s funny how much I care, when you don’t. My current car just isn’t reliable feeling to me. Little things are breaking. Big things are breaking. I hate the idea of being stranded somewhere with you, or worse, have the locks malfunction (again! even though they’ve been “fixed” twice under warranty!) and lock us out of the car in some strange place. It’s “only” an 07 – says the woman who loves having $0 in car payments and driving cars into the proverbial ground – but it’s just not reliable anymore.

And so the car shopping begins. What would we like? Space! Last time we drove you to visit family, little bug, we were packed to the roof. Literally. Daddy’s SUV had every spare inch of space taken, and he couldn’t see in the rear view since we’d packed everything so high. But if we want space, then we have to look at becoming a cliche. I would have to become a Minivan Mommy. And I’m not sure I’m ready for that Little Lovebug!

I have this perfect vision of our family in 5 years. You’re a lovely little lady. You have a little sister or brother who’s about two years younger than you. We have a dog – maybe a golden retriever, or one of those black and white dogs that Mommy loves but doesn’t know the breed name of, thus making finding a picture hard (and makes this post less visually appealing). And the 5 of us plus pup crammed into an SUV with luggage isn’t cutting it. So if that’s where we are, I’m going to wish we’d bought a minivan. I’m going to be sad I can’t have a luxurious, sexy SUV… but I’m going to want the space.

But a minivan, ugh! That’s not a “fun” car, Little Munchkin. Mommy keeps feeling like she should fall on the sword and get one, since you’ll hopefully have that sibling and dog one day. But they just aren’t fun or appealing. Edit: I lie. When we’ve test driven, they’re awesome on the inside. They’re like spaceships or black-hole-magic-bags with all sorts of space. They fit all sorts of stuff and have neat compartments and mirrors and folding seats and toys like that. But on the outside… they’re ugly. And cliche. And if I buy one, you’ll have to play soccer when you learn to walk, so I can officially be a Soccer Mommy.

Is this what being a Mommy is all about, Little Bugus? Becoming a cliche with a minivan, while still wearing maternity pants and being in desperate need of a hairstyle and an eyebrow wax, and working instead of staying home with my little love just so you’re provided well for? Because if so, I’m doing a bang up job. But it’s no fun, no fun at all!

Sigh. A minivan. Why do I feel like I’m just fighting the inevitable here by hating the idea?

Love,
Mommy who wishes Mommy Cliches weren’t true, and knows that The Little Love doesn’t care at all, as long as she’s safe

You were particularly adorable this morning, calling out “Who! Who!” to get our attention for cuddles and batting those big bluegrey eyes at me. I’m starting to think you’re getting a cold, but hoping I’m wrong.

Mommy is feeling better this AM, after getting a little sleep last night. But, Mommy is also feeling a little guilty about how that happened, since Your Cuteness would only sleep well in bed last night. Uh oh, the dreaded co-sleeping! Admittedly, even though I kept waking up and never entered deep sleep (I think?) because I was scared of rolling over on you, I still feel far more refreshed than I have for 2.5 weeks.

And then I woke up and got to eat cookies. Boobie cookies. I am really enjoying this whole “lactation cookie” excuse to eat baked goodies. My output (and your tummy) are enjoying it as well. My waistline, however, is not appreciative. What is a lactation cookie, you ask? A pile of baked goodness that’s basically an oatmeal cookie with a) flax seed and brewers yeast (gag), and b) tasty morsels to cover those up, like chocolate chips, cranberries, or whatever else sounds yummy. I had three for breakfast, and wanted 17 more. But I’ll save those for dinner.

Tangent: I MISS YOU SO MUCH WHILE YOU ARE AT DAYCARE, Little Nubs.

The Bug’s “Monkey Princess” Outfit

Or perhaps I should call you Little Monkey Princess today. Right now – even though Mommy and Daddy aren’t fans of pink — Mommy and Daddy’s favorite outfit is your Monkey Princess sleeper. (Daddy’s name for it). One of the benefits of having a Nubs, you see, is that you get to dress her little cute self in whatever adorable outfits you can find. As you can see from the pic, this one is particularly adorable, with fluorescent pink giraffes and cute little monkey princesses on the print and the feet.

Whenever Mommy and Daddy see you in this outfit, it causes cooing, smiling, and general smooshyness. BECAUSE YOU ARE SO ADORABLE.

That’s it for today, Little Nubs. I miss you terribly, even though I’m exhausted, and I can’t wait for it to be the weekend again when I get to spend more time with you. Mommy really isn’t a fan of this whole “hand the adorable baby over to daycare so she can bring home the money” thing. But your college fund needs it, and so I let others snuggle you in my place. And am sad…

Love,

Your Mommy Who Is Missing You Terribly At This Moment