Dear baby, 

The amount of love I’ve come to feel for you in such a tiny span of time is simply astonishing. I’m tired, and cranky, and mentally fuzzy. My nipples hurt, I want to eat constantly while I’m breastfeeding, and I hate waking up at 5a when you decide it’s time to be awake (after you were just awake at 10p, midnight, 2a, 3a, and 4:30a). But I love you so much, and I want you in my life forever.

I have spent some time today interacting with an online fundraising / donations site. Reading through story after story of loss and hardship has been bittersweet. I’m so lucky to have you in my life – a healthy, happy little Bug. But I’m so scared something will happen and we’ll be just another story on a site like that.

I’m currently watching my own Mommy heal from having lost her Person to cancer. And it’s so hard for her. I loved him too, and it’s hard for me, but he was her Person. She is amazingly strong and trying to work through her grief in creative ways, but it hurts me just as much to see her in that agonizing pain as it does for me to be missing my stepdad as part of my own life. And I really can’t wrap my head around how much MORE it would hurt to lose a Little Bug, a child I carried in my belly for 9 months and who is made of Mommy and Daddy’s love. 

So we’ll just make sure nothing happens, right Bug? I declare it to the Universe – You’re too precious, and I simply can’t fathom how parents carry on when something tragic happens. We all grumble about small things day to day, but reading through these stories and seeing my own Mommy in so much pain reminds me how lucky we are to have you, and how lucky we are in life. All of our living needs are met. We have family and friends who love and support us. We’re mostly healthy. And we have you. 

Thank you for being a healthy happy little Nubs. Thank you for being you, even if you do wake me up 6 times a night and randomly vomit on your Daddy occasionally. You couldn’t have come at a better time. And I can’t imagine my life without you. Be awesome forever.

Love, 

Mommy who is appreciating the little (big) things today